


Shape Of You

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:24:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Bucky struggles to reconcile his new self with his old self, his left arm a stark reminder of just how ugly and twisted he truly is.  How can someone accept you when you don’t even accept yourself?





	Shape Of You

Boys night had kinda turned into a monthly standing arrangement and as Buck sat crammed into a booth with Steve, Sam and Scott he was kinda glad they had opted for this bar rather than a club. No matter how often they went out and how many different clubs Sam dragged them into, he found them all far too loud, too dark, disorienting. That was okay if all you wanted was a one night stand, hell those places were practically a cattle market, but he wasn’t the confident guy he once was. Clenching his metal fist he was reminded about just how much he had changed and although rippling muscles had a certain charm to some women he was also scarred and mechanical. When he had considered taking that step with anyone the image of them screaming as soon as he took off his shirt was like a bucket of ice water and he quickly excused himself. 

“Shots, shots, shots.” Chorused Scott as he arrived with a tray of neon coloured drinks and a huge grin. 

“You know alcohol doesn’t affect me and Buck right?” Steve chuckled picking up a green one and eyeing it curiously. 

Several rounds of shots and even more beers later, Bucky was watching with amusement as Scott leaned against Sam, both propping up the other as they had attempted to match Steve drink for drink. 

“So, this is what happens on your boys nights.” A familiar voice had him turning and his heart stuttered as he saw you leaning against the table with a smirk on that beautiful face of yours.

“And to think, you were worried about us having girls night Steve.” Nat appeared behind you, arms folded across her chest and an eyebrow raised as she took in the state of her friends. 

“Come on Buck, shift up. Or do I have to sit in your lap?” you tilted your head, a flirtatious edge to your voice that had him sliding out of the booth and offering you his seat, his hair falling over his face as he attempted to hide the flush to his cheeks. You scooted up to Steve and patted the bench, indicating there was plenty of room for all three of you. “Tell me what woman wouldn’t want to be the filling in a super soldier sandwich?” you teased and Steve ruffled your hair as he chuckled.

“I’m sure Sharon might have something to say about sharing.” He smirked and you rolled your eyes.

“Guess that means you’ve got me all to yourself Barnes.” Your hand came to rest on his metal arm and he flinched a little before he could stop himself. You notice the reaction but don’t draw attention to it, simply ran your fingertips over his arm, lazily tracing small circles. 

Conversation flowed easily and it wasn’t long before you and Bucky were locked in a private interaction and he found himself relaxing more and more in your presence. He found it hard to open up to people, was still so wary of everyone, and his therapist had suggested that he give his teammates a chance and he had, for the most part. Bucky had wanted to strike up a conversation with you so many times but as soon as he was around you his nerves and anxiety kicked in. You were always sweet, bordering on flirty with him and sitting here in the bar talking about everything and nothing he felt like his old self. That was until he caught a glimpse of metal from the corner of his eye and was reminded that he was definitely in no way his old self. 

You sensed him grow quiet and wondered if you should ask him about it when a song from the jukebox kicked in causing your face to light up. “Oh man! I love this song! Come dance with me.” Your eyes met Bucky’s and you realised that had kinda come out more of a demand than a request. He nodded before his brain had chance to list the billion reasons that dancing with you was a bad idea and eased out of the booth. Holding his hand out to you with a shy smile you took it and led him to the tiny dance floor. 

“About bloody time.” Nat smirked as she watched you go.

“Hey, this isn’t easy for him.” Steve defended, his mouth fighting a grin as he saw you placing Bucky’s hands on your waist.

“I think she’s been patient enough though Rogers. Not many girls would have hung around waiting so long.”

“That’s why they will work.” He clinked his bottle against hers and they nodded at each other before turning back to see how you guys were doing.

“I know it’s like decades since you danced but seriously, it’s not changed all that much. Just follow my lead.” You suggested, reaching up and placing your hands on his shoulders. Bucky’s entire body tensed as he felt your touch at the point where his flesh met metal and a flash of panic shot through his eyes. Things were going well, better than well really, but then what? You were pressed up against him and having you so close was intoxicating but it’s not like he could give into his feelings. He could lean down and kiss you, a kiss which would lead to you both rushing back home, making out in the taxi on the way, heading up to your bedroom, fumbling with each other’s clothes and then… the look of horror on your face when you saw just how mutilated he truly was. He knew you wouldn’t scream but you would pity him. Yeah, he knew how this was going to go and… Your lips were on his and before he could really register it, before he could stop himself, he was kissing you back. Your fingers were tangled in his hair as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you, his right hand coming to rest on your ass as his tongue slipped into your mouth. 

When he did break the kiss, both of you practically panting for breath, he rested his forehead against yours and scrunched his eyes closed, letting out a sigh. The kiss had felt so right but his fear about what he was certain would happen was so strong. As if sensing his self-doubt, you brought your hand up to caress his cheek. “Hey, we can take this glacial slow. I like you James, and I think this is worth seeing through.” His eyes opened and searched yours for a moment as a soft smile graced that beautiful face of his.

“Me too.” He whispered and kissed the tip of your nose.

One week later and you were standing in front of the mirror in your room checking over your outfit as the several other options lay strewn over your bed. This was your official first date with Bucky and you wanted to impress him. True you were just heading to the local all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet but the venue wasn’t what was important to you. No, you were just happy to be spending some one to one time with your boy. There was a knock at your door and you smoothed down your dress and checked yourself one last time before you answered it. 

“Wow. You look…” he trailed off as his eyes ran up and down your form causing you to giggle nervously.

“You scrub up nice too Barnes.” You tucked your arm through his and let him lead you to the elevator. 

Sitting in the restaurant Bucky watched you in amused puzzlement as you surreptitiously emptied your plate of noodles into a plastic container and slipped it into your bag. Looking up at him you shrugged. “What?”

“Nothing doll, I just wish I’d brought my backpack then we’d get twice as much.” He raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

“So, okay, there’s this homeless guy who sleeps on the bench a few blocks down and whenever I come here I make sure I get him a little something. He’s a vet. He risked his life for this country and now he sleeps on a bench. I just… He doesn’t accept much help from anyone but I know he has a weakness for noodles.” Taking care not to knock your bag over you placed it under the table and shot Bucky a curious look as he gazed at you with an unfamiliar expression. “What?”

“Damn doll. How did I get so lucky to be sitting here with you?” 

Hours passed as you talked about everything and nothing from family to how irritating Tony was. You laughed and teared up at some stories and before you realised it the staff were clearing things away and dropping hints that they wanted to close. After dropping the noodles off on your walk back home you tucked yourself under Bucky’s arm and he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of your head. It seemed like you anticipated his every move. When he thought about holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you his brain would begin to go into overdrive and before it could begin to talk him out of the action you had already instinctively taken charge.

It was this instinct that found you in his room a few weeks later. Lay on his bed, your limbs tangled and your breathing rapid as your make-out session turned even more heated. Your fingers pulled at the hem of his shirt and his hand clamped down around your wrist as he shot back from you as if he’d received an electric shock. “Hey, hey.” You said softly as he looked at you wild-eyed in panic. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to okay? I’m happy to take this at your pace Buck.”

“What if I’m never okay?” His icy eyes pleaded with you for an answer for a moment before he turned away, sitting on the end of the bed with his back to you. Crawling to sit behind him you wrap your arms around his waist and rested your head against his back. 

“Whatever it is Bucky, if you want to talk about it then I am right here for you. You, James Buchannan Barnes, are enough for me.”

“I’m so broken. I don’t even think I can be fixed. Too many scars.” He placed his head in his hands and you lifted your hands to rub his shoulders only to feel him flinch when your fingers touched his left shoulder. As if a light had gone on in your head you scrambled off the bed and stood in front of him. Bucky felt the movement and expected you to be walking out of his room so he was surprised when your fingers ran through his hair causing him to look up at you. Taking the hem of your shirt in your hands you peeled the material up over your head and tossed it onto the floor. His eyes widened as they ran over your perfect body and he knew there was no way he could be naked with you. 

“You see this?” he looked to where your finger pointed on your right side. “This is the scar I got when Clint ‘accidentally’ grazed me with an arrow. And this one…” he saw an angry red scar just under your left breast, “…this one was from a shard of glass that Tony had to pull out after we got thrown through one of those massive windows he used to have in his lab when his pet project exploded. This one,” you turned slightly and saw a crescent moon shape on your left shoulder, “that was when I was a kid and I fell out of the tree where I was building a treehouse.” You continued to point out all the small imperfections that were dotted around your body that Bucky hadn’t seen when he first ran his eyes over you. By the time you dropped your yoga pants to the floor and started to list the scars and stretchmarks over your thighs he was smiling warmly at you. “So does all this make you want me any less? I could just put my clothes back on and…”

“NO!” Bucky practically leaped up causing you to giggle. “No, it doesn’t make me want you any less and no please don’t put your clothes back on. The view is far too good to cover up.” He took a deep breath and then pulled his track pants down over his thighs, allowing them to drop to the floor. “Okay, so this one right here, I got that defending Steve’s scrawny ass when he squared up to some meatheads at the carnival…” You ran your fingertips over the tiny scar before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to it causing Bucky to gasp. He couldn’t remember the story for every scar which was probably a blessing but each one he pointed out you would caress and kiss as if healing the wound. Tentatively he pulled his shirt up and over his head, his eyes never leaving your face as he waited for the look of horror. His eyes filled with tears of gratitude when you tilted your head and ran your fingers over the scars on his shoulder before leaning over and trailing gentle kisses over his skin and the metal. 

The sunlight streaming in through a gap in the curtains woke him as it fell in a warm shard across his face. It took him a second for his sleepy mind to register the weight on his chest and frowning he opened one eye. A grin spread across his face lighting it up brighter than the ray of sunlight was able to as he saw you fast asleep snuggled into him, your head resting on his chest. He loved every single inch of you and now he believed it was just possible you felt the same way about him.


End file.
